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Piyush Tainguriya
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Jan 8, 2009

The Beginning

Gaurav
sat staring at the neem tree outside his window. He was sure he had the right idea this time. It had to be ab
out an army officer and a girl in the occupied village. yes, his first romantic story. A beautiful village where sun shows a range of infinite colors since it comes out of the dark valley in the east and goes behind the village head's house to spend the night with his many concubines.
He was snatched out of his reverie by the grating voice of his aunt who was calling him for another day of mind numbing cleaning work. She had become particularly watchful about his diet nowadays. She seemed to want him to work at par with his appetite. A 15 year old boy just has to eat his fill and not to be reminded about it again and again.
'Come out you good for nothing stumbler. Nalayak just eats and sits on the computer all day. Don't know what he does on that devil's device. I'm sure he's surfing porn right now.' This always succeeded in making his temples burn with indignation. But listening to it was the only way he could have a place to live. An orphan living at an unwilling relation's place cant be very finicky about the treatment he's getting. Mrs.Kripalini Chatterji was his Dad's faraway cousin and the only surviving relative. His parents had died when he was 10, in the Gujrat earthquakes. Gaurav had been visiting his aunt's place then and so she also had no other way than to adopt him. She was afraid of what people might say. But she always stayed resentful of the added burden.
He closed his cousin's laptop and came out in the kitchen and started cleaning the utensils. Prachi- his aunt's daughter who was just one year older than him came inside to drink water. She had been feeling horny a lot in the last few days and both of them used to kiss a lot when kripalini was not looking. Prachi had always been good to him but she was not strong enough to stand up to her mother. She tended to spend most of her time outside with her friends. Gaurav only got to study through distance learning because a school fee for two was cost prohibitive according to kripalini. The only friend he had got was Prachi and nowadays she had become a lot more. Gaurav had started feeling a burning desire to touch her whenever she passed him by. She also never stopped him.
Today again he started feeling the now familiar thrill when he saw her back turned to him, the rustle of her dress when she opened the fridge, the movement of her Adam's apple when she gulped the water, her hair, her long, sleek legs. She was a goddess. He could control it no more. He went and encircled her in his arms. They started to kiss. This was risky. The bitch woman could come anytime but the fear added to the joy. Gaurav shoved her against the sink to put his hand in her dress and that was then the glass tumbler he had been cleaning fell to the ground. Prachi stared at him startled, wide eyed and then took her bag and ran out. He heard the door close behind her.
Kripalini had heard the sound but she took about two minutes to come inside the kitchen as she was in the loo at the time the tumbler fell. When she came Gaurav was in the process of cleaning up the mess on the floor.
"The officer stands on the bank of the river, the girl is drinking water straight from the stream, Prachi looks up, their eyes meet, they are hungry eyes, they don't want any disturbance, they want to rip off each other's clothes, there is pure lust in their eyes. Gaurav shoves the girl roughly against the tree, the girl is breathing hard, her face is shiny and cool because of the water she has drunk, her hair matted in strands and dripping with water, a MiG-13 drops a bomb in the shrubs, the officer starts collecting the shrapnel, the girl runs away, the sirens are wailing, the doors are closing,the adrenalin is high, the indignation in the men is reaching its peak, they want to kill the pilot, Gaurav is collecting the shrapnel, the speaker is blaring a warning, all keep calm, stay low,no we'll kill them, stay inside, don't make a sound, no they have to be killed, its us or them, the warning has become more and more insistent, the voice is a screech, you goddamn village bumpkin, shoot it down,have you ever been into a civilized house before?,fuck the bastards, you butter finger free loader did your parents teach you to say sorry or even that is left for me to teach, kill'em all, the shrapnel stings, there is a sulphurous odor in it, he lunges for the MiG 13, grabs the pilot by the throat and slits it in one single motion, the plane crashes. There is peace.
He washed his hands and went back to the computer. It just spilled out. Yes the village was beautiful. The sun showed a range of infinite colors since it came out of the dark valley in the east till when it went behind the village head's house to spend the night with his many concubines.
Then he shut down the computer and packed for the long journey ahead.





20 comments:

The Shmoo said...

How about mentioning a link to my story, somewhere in this entire post, since it is my story that you've modified and posted (yes, with a little more colorful vocabulary)?

stuntman mike said...

@ shmoo : how bout you givin us the link urslf.


@ piyush : must say wonderfully well constructed , the desperation in the romance and the sexuality of a teen wonderfully well depicted .... i love the where gaurav and his story combines

T-REX said...

@shmoo..yeah yeah fine but i dont know how to give a link in the blog.

@stuntman...thanx :D (my first smiley)but i gotta tell you that i was subconsciously inspired by a Haruki Murakami novel(dont remember the name though)

The Shmoo said...

The original version :
http://shmootales.blogspot.com/2009/01/end.html

Nice modification Piyush.

T-REX said...

someone(a girl obviously)told me that girls dont have Adam's apples..shit!
9well,you live and learn)

Ashish said...

arrey actually the intensity of this post is very captivating but that Adam's apple thing is something funny [:P]

T-REX said...

@ashish..Thanx a lot.. did you know this? the Adam's apple thing?

Afaque said...

Well beautiful...
what I inferred from the story is that the boy is highly imaginative and nothing actual[the rated scenes] happens but its all his fantasy... is it like that?

and to "T-REX"
well SOME girls do have adam's apple... :)
so no worries

T-REX said...

@afaque...first of all thanx for the comment...

the rated scenes do happen but the sudden end to his pleasure and the constant tirade of his aunt piss him off real bad and he loses his self restraint and in a dream like state of mental angish he kills her

Nothingman said...

oh my, i read a better story like this at Shmoo Tales!

What a fucking co-incidence!!!

good going man!!

N

But really, how much effort does it really take to click edit and type that the story is "inspired" by Shmoo's story? Don't be a doof dude. Do the right thing. Be a man.

Annia said...

oh seriously ddude dis is d better version of original story!!!.....its more grippin.....n ya....nothingman....dis guy dusnt need to prove nething to ya...

havannah said...

gosh is nothingman....seriously outta...his mind....y d hell is he makin a big fuss out of it....i mean "be a man".....lol....y do dese dunderheads evn cum to read let alone write such things.....i feel piyush u are experimenting....tryin to see how far u can go wid writin....which is gud....dese dickheads are tooo fucked up!!! aint i rite ?

T-REX said...

@annia thanx for your support.

@Havennah I made everything clear to the original author but some people just cannot stop sucking up to people..anyways thanx so much.

ADITYA said...

mr. t-rex
i have been following you two(excluding that little fuck).i dont know why people cant afford to see all the mess getting cleared up.
if miss manisha feels things have been resolved then go ahead, we wish to read a lot from u..

anyway, u have given an agressive beginning to a depressing end..

now i lift off my finger from "enter".

T-REX said...

A note for all the visitors..the concept of this story has taken from a post in shmoo's blog but I vehemently deny her assumption that her's is the original,implying that mine is a copy.My story is totaly different entity in itself and everyone is invited to compare the two and find out any similarities except the basic concept(Think of "turn the page" by Bob seger and "turn the page by Metallica, wd you call them copies?)and the names of two of the characters.Had it been my wish to hide the fact of taking her concept I wd have changed the names.I reiterate the fact that my story is Original(yes original with a capital O) irrespective of manisha's story's status.

Kris said...

mr t-rex, in the big bad real world, you can be sued for this sort of thing. i suggest you save up your piddling allowance and ask a lawyer before you talk crap. the shmoo is being very nice by letting you off this easily. if it was me, i'd do worse.

learn to write or shut up, dickhead!

T-REX said...

@ Aditya ..thanx for your candidness and support

@kris
mr big bad man of the big bad world dont you be sarcastic with my visitors.and as you know so much abt the big bad world you must also know that defence is alot easier than attack in legal matters.So even a half ass lawyer can trample the plagiarism hypothesis ur propounding.And yeah dont ever fight ur own case in the court,i'll give u some dough outta my "piddling allowance" to hire a good lawyer coz trust me shit stinks better than ur words.watch where you step from now on.

T-REX said...

http://deftlydaft.blogspot.com/2009/01/foxy-ladyshit-i-plagiarized-from-jimi.html

ScarletTd1ar1es said...

wow mahn that was cool. :P
i read the other part 2. the one some here r sayin u copied from n u kno theres a difference actually. he writes about the pain and u write about the girl. :P

anyways had fun reading it.

T-REX said...

Thanks man , I knew you would understand. And its a she. she claims I have plagiarized. She even wrote a blog entry about me. check my first comment on this post.